Always OP - out of place - wherever I am. In the office, I’m just there on the sidelines, never really part of the flow. Even back when my theatre group was still alive, where I should’ve belonged the most, I still felt like an outsider. How strange is that - to feel like a guest in something you built yourself?
I guess that’s why I’ve always kept to myself. Being OP everywhere takes the fight out of you. You get tired of trying, tired of pushing yourself into spaces where you never really fit. So I learned to stay quiet. I learned to hide in my own world. People say “introvert” like it’s just a personality, but for me it’s survival. My solitude isn’t just a preference - it's the only place where I don’t feel judged or out of place.
But I won’t lie - sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I wish I could just belong, even for a while. Still, I’ve learned to carry it. Being alone has made me tougher, whether I wanted it to or not. I know how to stand on my own. I know how to find comfort in silence.
Maybe I’ll always be OP. Maybe I’ll always be that loner in the corner. But maybe that’s who I am - and maybe that’s okay.
