The Invitation to Leave That Led Me Back to Myself

There was a time when I was running on fumes - high-functioning depression hidden behind a smile and a pile of responsibilities. I was frustrated because no matter how hard I tried, I felt I wasn’t really helping my students or colleagues the way they needed. And in the moments I needed help myself, the people I thought were friends suddenly weren’t there. They disappeared - ghosted me - when all I wanted was someone to talk to.

On top of that, I had to take on tasks and responsibilities no one taught me to handle. Add personal battles and health concerns, and everything felt too heavy, too loud, too overwhelming.

Then out of nowhere, a job posting from a state university appeared. They were hiring an AO IV. Something in me whispered, maybe this is the change I need. Maybe this was the universe giving me a way out - or a way forward.

I applied last September. Got the acknowledgment email… then silence.

Every year, for my birthday, I take a leave on the day itself, plus the day before and after. It’s my little ritual: church, coffee, walking around the mall alone. A quiet reset from the noise of everything.

And last November - just before my birthday - I received two emails. Out of the blue. Scheduling me for exams and an interview. And guess what? Both landed exactly on the days I was on leave. Was it a sign? A cosmic wink? Or just a very welcome coincidence?

I took the three standardized tests. I went to the panel interview and honestly had a blast - even though they started so late I thought the universe was trolling me. I felt confident. Hopeful. Excited.

Then they asked for additional documents. And that excitement grew even more because it finally felt real: the possibility of a new environment where I could be me again - fully, unapologetically. A place where I could start fresh. And yes, a higher salary that would mean so much for my family.

But then something unexpected happened. Despite the momentum, despite the anticipation, despite how much I wanted this… the feeling shifted. The urge - the pull toward this new path - quieted down. I don’t even know how to explain it, except that it just didn’t feel right anymore.

And so, long story already long, here’s the short of it:

For now, I’m staying with DepEd. With Science High. With the students and the work that still somehow tug at my heart even on the hardest days.

And today - of all days - happens to be my 9th year in DepEd. Coincidence?

Do you believe in destiny?

Do you believe in signs?

In serendipity?

Because sometimes, the universe doesn’t always open the door you’re meant to walk through…

but it gives you just enough light to remind you where you still belong.