A Theatre Kid, Still

I was supposed to be inactive in theatre.

But if there's one thing I've learned about myself, it's that I can never say no when someone asks me to help tell a story. So when Octave Music Camp reached out and asked if I could assist, my response was simple:

"When?" 😄

What I didn't expect was how much Octave's culture would resonate with me. The values, the sense of family, the commitment to the craft, and the genuine care for young artists reminded me so much of the culture we built in my own theatre family, CTC.

I will always be grateful to Ms. Alexandrea and Ms. Claresa for pulling me back into a world I thought I had stepped away from. Through this journey, I was reminded of something I have always known but sometimes forget: despite my ongoing health challenges, theatre still makes me feel alive. It is a natural high, an adrenaline rush unlike any other. When I am creating, mentoring, rehearsing, and sharing stories, the aches fade into the background. It is only when the curtain falls that I remember they were there.

To the cast, production team, parents, volunteers, and everyone who became part of this journey - thank you. Working with all of you has been a blessing. I am proud of what we created together and even prouder of the community that formed around it.

Two full-house shows. Countless memories. Endless gratitude.

I hope our paths cross again on another stage, in another rehearsal hall, and in another story waiting to be told. Until then, know that I will always be here - not just as a coach, not just as a director, but as a friend and a Kuya.

For now, Coach Sonny of Octave's The Little Mermaid Jr. is signing off.

Blessed. Humbled. Grateful. 🎭

The Lone Wolf

Lone wolf all my life.

Tonight, after another rehearsal, I found myself thinking about something that has followed me through different chapters of my life—the feeling of being the odd person out.

I felt it in the office. I felt it in my own theatre group. And now, somehow, I feel it here too.

Everyone already seems to belong somewhere. The directors share years of friendship and history. The stage managers have their own bond. The set movers are a close-knit barkada fresh from senior high school. The cast, for the most part, has grown together through age, shared experiences, and last year's production.

And then there's me.

I came into this production wanting only one thing: to help create the best possible show for these kids. Yet lately, I have found myself wondering whether my presence matters at all. Suggestions are often left hanging. Questions that I believe are valid seem to disappear into the noise. Sometimes I speak and feel as though the words never quite land.

Maybe they don't need me. Maybe they never did.

Tomorrow is the tech run—the day before opening night. Part of me wishes I could quietly disappear from everyone's lives and spare myself the feeling of standing in a room where I don't quite fit.

The truth is, the show will go on. It always does. Rehearsals become performances, performances become memories, and people move on to the next production, the next project, the next chapter.

So tomorrow, I'll be there.

I'll sit behind a projector and operate the background visuals. A simple task, perhaps. One that most people will never notice unless something goes wrong. Yet maybe that has been the story of much of my life in theatre—not always at the center, not always heard, not always seen, but still showing up and doing what needs to be done.

Because the show is not about me.

It is about the young artists who have worked for months to get here.

And if my role in helping them shine is simply to press the right button at the right moment, then I will do it with the same care and commitment I would give any role I have ever played.

Still, I would be lying if I said it doesn't hurt sometimes.

The curtain will rise on Saturday. It will fall on Sunday. And when the final applause fades and the theatre empties, I will probably slip away the same way I arrived—quietly, without fanfare, without needing a farewell.

I have never been good at goodbyes anyway.

Perhaps I'll leave a short note. Perhaps I won't. Perhaps one day I'll simply stop showing up, and the story will continue without me, as stories always do.

For now, there is one more tech run, one more opening night, one more closing curtain.

And for a lone wolf, sometimes that is enough.

Where My Spirit Lives

For years, I've always made a distinction between making a living and making a life.

Making a living is the work that pays the bills. It's the job, the responsibilities, the practical side of adulthood that keeps the lights on and provides stability. It is necessary, honorable, and something I am grateful to have.

But theatre has always been something else.

The workshops, talks, mentorships, coaching sessions, and rehearsals I say yes to are what I call making a life.

The truth is, most of these opportunities are not financially rewarding. More often than not, the transportation, meals, preparation time, materials, and other expenses cost more than whatever honorarium I receive. If I looked at it purely from a financial standpoint, many of these engagements would make absolutely no sense.

Yet I keep saying yes.

Because they feed something that money never could.

After more than three decades in theatre, I have reached a point in life where my body constantly reminds me of its limitations. The health challenges of the last few years have changed many things. There was a time when I could simply step onto a stage and tell a story myself. These days, performing is no longer as easy as it once was, and sometimes not even possible.

But whenever I find myself in a rehearsal hall, a classroom, a workshop venue, or simply sitting with young artists discussing a script, something changes.

I feel alive.

For a few hours, I stop thinking about medications, procedures, aches, limitations, and all the things my body can no longer do. Instead, I find myself talking about objectives, relationships, character choices, storytelling, truth, and imagination. I watch young artists discover things about themselves. I watch confidence bloom. I watch dreams slowly take shape.

And somehow, in helping them build their journeys, I am reminded that mine still has meaning too.

Maybe that is why I continue to accept these opportunities whenever I can. Not because they are profitable. Not because they are convenient. But because they remind me that I still have something to give. Something to share. Something that might help another artist take one more step toward their dream.

Of course, reality eventually catches up. Resources are limited. The higher-paying performance gigs that once helped support these passion projects are no longer as plentiful for me. There are times when I simply have to stay home because I can no longer afford to keep saying yes to everything, no matter how much my heart wants to.

And that part hurts.

But I remain grateful.

Grateful that after 31 years in theatre, I still get invited into rooms where stories are being told. Grateful that people still believe there is value in what I can offer. Grateful that despite everything, the fire never really went out.

So while my body allows it, while opportunities still come, and while there are young artists willing to listen, I will continue making a life whenever I can.

Because at this stage of my journey, these workshops, talks, rehearsals, and mentorships are no longer just projects.

They are reminders that I am still here.

Still learning. Still sharing. Still serving.

And if I am fortunate enough to have a little more time, I hope there will be a few more stories to help tell, a few more artists to help guide, a few more rooms filled with laughter, discovery, and dreams.

A few more chances to make a life.

Intermission

 Too broke to buy tickets and support productions these past months…

and still too broken to return to the many Arts that have shaped my entire life.

But maybe this, too, is part of the script.

Maybe there are seasons when the artist must sit in the audience.

Seasons when the pencil is just on top of a blank paper.

Seasons when the director must be directed by life.

Seasons when the performer must simply feel - without applause, without spotlight.

I may not be creating the way I used to.

I may not be present in every show, every opening night, every curtain call.

But I really would like to believe that art does not leave us just because we pause.

I would like to believe that it waits. Faithfully. Quietly. Like an old friend who understands.

And if there is one thing the stage has taught me, it is this:

Every blackout is followed by light.

Every silence prepares for a line that matters.

Every ending bows into a beginning.

So to all who are still creating, still daring, still dreaming - keep going.

For those of us healing in the wings, we are clapping for you. Softly. Sincerely.

And when it is time, I pray that we will rise again. Not just to perform - but to live our art even deeper.

Anyway… Happy National Arts Month, everyone. 🎭✨

Les Misérables, The Stars Didn’t Align.

As Les Misérables: The World Tour Spectacular rises tonight at The Theatre at Solaire, I send the whole team a heartfelt break a leg, with a quiet ache in my heart.

Some people have a favorite show.

I have a lifetime with Les Misérables.

I was there at the beginning - 1996 to 1997 - kicking out Fantine as the Foreman, blending into the ensemble, eventually stepping into the Master of the House as Thénardier. I didn’t know then that the music, the story, and the weight of it all would quietly stitch itself into my life.

Years later, in 2011- 2012, I returned not just as a performer but as a director, carrying Jean Valjean on my shoulders - onstage and off. By then, *Les Mis* wasn’t just a show. It was a language I spoke fluently. It shaped how I told stories, how I understood mercy, justice, and grace.

In 2013, my theatre family and I watched the film together.

In 2016, we sat together again for the international tour, letting the music pass between generations, letting it mean something different this time.

By 2019, my place had shifted again. I stood beside young artists, mentoring, cheering, believing in them as they carried *Les Misérables* forward in their own voices. I wasn't in the spotlight anymore. I was blessedly content watching the next generation find their way through the same songs that once carried me.

And this year - thirty years after it all began - the circle breaks.

For the first time, I won’t be part of it. I won’t be watching from the dark, or listening from the wings, or holding space for others to shine. The stars didn’t align, and some stories don’t grant us the ending we imagine for ourselves.

It’s a quiet kind of grief - the kind that only comes when something has walked with you for decades. Still, I’m grateful. Not every artist gets to live inside a story for thirty years. Not everyone gets to meet it again and again in so many forms.

Les Misérables gave me roles, purpose, family moments, students, and lessons I still carry. Even if I’m absent this time, the music hasn’t left me.

The circle may break - but the story remains.